Will you be my neighbor?

Recently my husband and I were out of town attending my sister's wedding and left Harper in the care of one of our neighbors, a fellow dog owner and lover. This neighbor is an endearing sort of eccentric and is always saying or doing things that give me a chuckle.

For April Fool's Day she put envelopes which featured a red verticle stripe on them under the windshield wipers of all of the cars on our street. She included her own so as not to raise any suspicion. The envelopes contained a scrap of paper which read, "Don't get punked. Happy April Fool's Day!"

For Christmas she gave us a card that read, "For no reason whatsoever," and contained a message of well wishes. This message was lost on us for several days, however, until I realized that if you held it up to the mirror you could read it. She had written the entire thing backwards.

It was this neighbor who rescued me a couple of weeks ago when I woke up in the middle of the night realizing I had left my bridesmaid dress at home. She promptly sent it in the mail in a decorated package and no one was the wiser. Later I noticed that there was a piece of paper taped on the package labeled "invoice." I thought, how business-like of her, and then proceeded to remove it from the box. On the paper it read:

"Dear neighbors. The boys are getting along so well. Good thing I understand dog language:

'Hey, check this out! I think it's fresh cat urine. Did you see a cat?'
'No, but I smelled a rabbit over there.'
'Actually, that is more likely to be a squirrel. Not many rabbits in this park.'
'It doesn't do much good to pull on the leash, does it?'
'No, she only has two speeds. Slow and slower.'
'Watch out for that big German Shepard. He's so full of himself. He thinks his shit don't stink.'
'Yeah, speaking of which, I think I'll take a dump here.'
'Hey, while she's picking it up you go left and I'll go right.'
'What? Did you say North?'
'No, go south.'
'Clockwise?'
'No, counter clock.'
'What is she talkin' about. It's not like we tie her up on purpose. hea hea hea'
'Now it's your turn to dump. Let's do it again.'"