Will you be my neighbor?

Recently my husband and I were out of town attending my sister's wedding and left Harper in the care of one of our neighbors, a fellow dog owner and lover. This neighbor is an endearing sort of eccentric and is always saying or doing things that give me a chuckle.

For April Fool's Day she put envelopes which featured a red verticle stripe on them under the windshield wipers of all of the cars on our street. She included her own so as not to raise
any suspicion. The envelopes contained a scrap of paper which read, "Don't get punked. Happy April Fool's Day!"

For Christmas she gave us a card that read, "For no reason whatsoever," and contained a message of well wishes. This message was lost on us for several days
, however, until I realized that if you held it up to the mirror you could read it. She had written the entire thing backwards.

It was this neighbor who rescued me a couple of weeks ago when I woke up in the middle of the night realizing I had left my bridesmaid dress at home. She promptly sent it in the mail
in a decorated package and no one was the wiser. Later I noticed that there was a piece of paper taped on the package labeled "invoice." I thought, how business-like of her, and then proceeded to remove it from the box. On the paper it read:

"Dear neighbors. The boys are getting along so well. Good thing I understand dog language:

'Hey, check this out! I think it's fresh cat urine. Did you see a cat?'
'No, but I smelled a rabbit over there.'
'Actually, that is more likely to be a squirrel. Not many rabbits in this park.'

'It doesn't do much good to pull on the leash, does it?'

'No, she only has two speeds. Slow and slower.'
'Watch out for that big German Shepard. He's so full of himself. He thinks his shit don't stink.'
'Yeah, speaking of which, I think I'll take a dump here.'
'Hey, while she's picking it up you go left and I'll go right.'
'What? Did you say North?'
'No, go south.'
'No, counter clock.'
'What is she talkin' about. It's not like we tie her up on purpose. hea hea hea'
'Now it's your turn to dump. Let's do it again.'"


Get that woman some food!

Yesterday, after my first day of summer school as a teacher of special ed students, I returned home tired, hungry and some would say a little grouchy. I am notorious for my Achilles stomach and due to the chaos of the first day and the attention needed for my high need students, I hadn't eaten all day. In fact, I hadn't even had time to use the restroom. So, it wasn't very long before my husband could tell that my blood sugar was tanking fast and that a crisis was looming on the horizon.
"Eat an apple!" he said frantically. "Have some lunchmeat! What about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?!"

Finally, I relented and our marriage survived. If only all life's problems were so easy. So, today I came across a Reuters news article that showed how on the other side of the world a marriage in China went very very differently:

Wife accused in swordplay death of husband

Tue Jun 20, 8:19 AM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - A Chinese woman has been charged with accidentally killing her husband with a sword after he refused to make her dinner, the Shanghai Daily said on Tuesday.

Police said Tang Xiaowan, 25, who has been practicing swordsmanship since she was young, had often forced her husband of three years at swordpoint to carry out her demands.

On March 3, her husband, Li Weidong, refused to cook dinner because he was late for work.

Police said Tang picked up her sword and put it on Li's chest and promptly slipped, stabbing Li by mistake.

Li died in hospital from loss of blood.

Tang was arrested Monday and charged with manslaughter.